2025 in Review
Potentially Upsetting Topics: I talk about bad health times, drinking, eating and food/food culture.
Hello, it's the end of the year! Here's a round up.
Things I did/read/otherwise consumed
In January I started a list of anything like books I read, movies I watched, notable things I did, food or music I found; so forth. It... did not go so well. I forgot about the list a lot, and didn't do much in general.
In semi-chronological order:
The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy: My friend recommended this to me, and I read it, and then informed her that it was diabolical to suggest this book to someone who was having (at the time) chronic, debilitating abdominal pain of unknown origin LOL.
The Big O (manga): I've watched the show already, and prefer it. Manga's fine and cute though.
Most of Hoarders (TV): Most of it is on Tubi for free. This show depresses me.
Butcher's Crossing by John Williams: Liked it; haven't seen nor am really interested in the film.
Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things by Gail Steketee and Randy Frost: Hoarders became too depressing, so I switched to this book. I was surprised to see a handful of the doctors from Hoarders TV were actually references, so it made the show feel 1% less... freakshow for freakshows sake.
Blue Period by Tsubasa Yamaguchi: I'm not up to date but really enjoyed what I have read so far. Though I also don't really see what's left to explore after the protagonist's main goal.
A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories by Flannery O'Connor: This was an experience because I read the namesake first, and enjoyed it a lot. Then I read most of the other stories and became convinced I am the most stupid illiterate person alive. I could never tell what was supposed to be funny, surreal, literal, poignant, upsetting, relics of the times, the author's true intentions/meaning. I genuinely feel like there's a joke I'm not getting. I haven't really attempted to read anything since 😬.
Gunbuster (anime): It was cute, I really sharply lost my tolerance for anime this year for some reason, but at 6 OVAs this was alright.
Chromakopia by Tyler the Creator (album): I don't remember anything beyond a vague "it was good" because of the time period, though. Sorry :(
Pulled Pork: I will never eat it again. I never liked pulled pork. I had a habit of trying it about once a year to see if I change my mind. The last time I ate pulled pork it's what sent me to the ER with a stuck gallstone.
Getting my Gallbladder Removed: I wrote a whole post about this. I was having gallstone symptoms/issues with increasing frequency over the course of about 18 months. My gallbladder was so wrecked I was getting attacks from every type of food toward the latter half, not just from fatty stuff. Plus, on top of that, I had pretty gnarly stomach ulcers. Thankfully I got help for those about a month after my surgery. Peak gallstone pain was obviously worse, but the un-ending agony of ulcers is so demoralizing. I owe my life to sucralfate, which is "just" a chalky pill that coats your stomach and helps it heal faster.
Home by Depeche Mode (song): I remembered this song randomly and how much I liked it. I'm not sure why it affected me enough to write it down; but to be fair I WAS having a bad time around then, I was probably thankful for any positive emotion.
I technically do not drink anymore: A realization I had in the second half of this year. I remember having the thought of "wait, my liver is already cooked from my diet, plus now it's under more strain than ever... why did none of my doctors tell me to stop drinking???" So I just decided to stop on my own. The last time I remember drinking was spring 2024. But I'm kind of considering it this year, because now that the gallbladder stuff is "over" I still have no real desire to start again. It's not SUPER negative, but I have a complex relationship with alcohol, like many people. I don't consider this true sobriety because I haven't vowed to never drink again; I'm just not in the mood and probably won't be a for a while.
Takopi's Original Sin by Taizan 5 (manga): It took me forever but I finally read it, my friends were on my ass for most of the year! I don't know if calling it cute is appropriate. But I did enjoy it and was surprised at how happy the ending was (comparatively.)
Mojito flavored La Croix: I like it, but be forewarned that if it gets to room temperature you're totally sipping toothpaste. In the summer I like to put some leaves from my spearmint and some lemon juice in water, it reminds me of that drink. I really wanted to try the "Sunshine" flavored one but I think I missed my chance :-(
Perfume: I won't say I'm INTO fragrances but I started to focus on actually using the ones I own in October, so they've been on my mind a lot since. I started a "Project Pan" to help me appreciate them more, track my trends, etc. You can see all my Project Pan updates here
Emotions and Health and Food
Click this for food talk, or skip if you want
TL;DR: My whole gallbladder/stomach ulcers thing made me realize just how important food and going out in general is to socialization and it's frustrating. I pretty regularly feel like I'm about to have a meltdown because food is everywhere and everything. We should go to this restaurant before we do this activity. There's this new place we have to try. Should we get snacks on the way. What pizza does everybody like. We're hungry lets grab something. We should make this dish while you're visiting. What do you want to do for your birthday (fake question, it's actually asking what restaurant do you want to go to) Aaaaaaa.I don't know if I count as binge eating disordered, but I'm one of those people if food is in front of me, I will eat it. I can very easily mindlessly eat way too much of whatever snack was put out for the gathering and make myself sick. Worst was a charcuterie board: IE hard fat and soft fat. My liver was in agony a few hours later. To be fair that's not my friends' problem, it's just frustrating to have to constantly be AWARE and high alert and nervous and judged. I also now get extremely anxious and nauseous every time I go to a restaurant. Part of the routine is having to stop, stare at a wall, and focus on breathing/not throwing up 2-3 times per trip. I believe it's psychosomatic, but it happens (and sucks) regardless :-(.
What I got for Christmas
I was a teenager for 2010's youtube so I love hauls lol. No pictures though, everything is already scattered about in their new homes.
- Secret Santa from my friend: Two gorgeous small Polish dishes. One is 5-petal flower shaped with pure blue/white floral designs. One is pretty deep, basically a bowl, with strawberries and leaves. I love ceramics, specifically polish pottery, talavera, most any dense designs.
- Secret Santa from my friend p2: A Labubu! Probably Lafufu, but I don't care. My friend actually searched for an open one on ebay to get a certain color (Sesame Bean) but it showed up fully sealed and ended up being Sea Salt Coconut color... and then also in the dim lighting of where we were, my friend said "oh good it is grey!" then got distracted and I haven't seen him since. I like it though, because I do like the "this is what you got its your friend now" quality to blind boxes. Also, coincidentally, the blue one is the one I always see in my head as the default anyway. I'm currently struggling to knit it a hat, and I kind of want to get fabric and foam and make some boots... that might be too much though.
- Fragrance: Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden. Perfume's been on my mind a lot obviously, so I had mentioned to my mother at some point how this is one of my favorite fragrances ever. Probably should have seen this one coming! I do not object, obviously tho.
- Fragrance: Cherry Blossom by Bodycology. Stocking stuffer and this was my assigned flavor. I don't usually vibe with powdery scents but I REALLY like this one, I've worn it most days since getting it.
- A notebook: Always need one! Not too big, and it lays totally flat when open!
- A porcelain paint palette
- A wireless, foldable desk lamp. I really appreciate this because I only had the overhead light, so my body casts a shadow over what I'm doing at my desk.
- TWO YEARS worth of toothbrush heads 🦷🤍
- Two pairs of PJ shorts
- Terry's Chocolate Oranges: one dark one milk. Listen man, they only come out once a year. I did learn I prefer the milk chocolate ones, the dark one had almost no orange flavor :-(
- LA Colors Holographic Iridescent Lipgloss in "Diamond Lite": LA Colors High Shine Lipgloss in clear is my favorite lipgloss ever, particularly for the quality-to-price ratio. I picked out this one and was expecting it to be more on the end of clear + some shimmer, but it's actually extremely dense with glitter to the point it looks silver and washes me out. I'm gonna try a dark lipstick under it to see what I think then. I like the formula though!
Things I want to do in 2026
Stop Drinking Coke Zero
The ONE healthy thing I did for most of my life was drink lots of water. I stopped drinking regular soda entirely as an older teen/young adult just because I hate the syrupy-ness. I have no idea why, but in the last two years I started drinking Coke Zero. I guess because it was flavor without the dangers of real food? But it costs money and causes heartburn and bloating dude I gotta stop this. I'm giving myself a 6 month "replace it with seltzer water" grace period but I wanna be done done and back to normal in 12 months.
Get Into Calisthenics
I've never been super healthy but im beyond whack now. I've lost every ounce of muscle from my body, I used to be decently strong :-(. I can barely move a case of water bottles. At my current state the goal is more like "be able to actually move and handle your own body/basic tasks" rather than true calisthenic feats.
Really Pare Down My Belongings
I would rather actively appreciate and use the things I do have. My whole life I've watched my family just hold onto things they don't even like for no reason, but then also complain about having said stuff and having no room. When I was 18 I majorly went through everything I owned and got both jealousy and passive aggressive remarks. "You can't just get rid of EVERYTHING!!" because I had 2 pairs of jeans (among other bottoms) instead of 5. Something I did earlier this year: I threw out ALL of my old socks and I now have 1 pack of identical black ankle socks and one pack of identical white tube socks, for a total of about 18 pairs. I have way fewer socks total, I use and appreciate every single one. It is awesome and I want this feeling with everything.
Be More Thoughtful & Dedicated
I'm very good at saying I want to do things, but not so much the follow through. I've noticed the things I succeed in are, unsurprisingly, the things I think through and make executable plans for. I started using perfume daily because I started keeping it in a spot that I would remember it, but also I'm not stressing myself out with a strict regimen. Also the goal is the reward itself: I enjoy using my collection and looking back on the stats I'm gathering. I have not stopped eating instant ramen because it's always in the house and I have not made any backup plans for when I want it, nor do I have an equally easy replacement. "Stop" is vague and there's no inherent reward because I could just as easily eat something as bad or even worse for me instead.
This also extends to my relationships with others. I have people in my life who are well-intentioned, but are really unreliable. I also have people who just aren't considerate at all; some being downright mean and others just genuinely struggling to think outside of their own POV. Leading by example is wishful thinking, but it's something I can actually do and have control over.
The End! Happy New Year! I'll probably be asleep by 8PM 😴